2Princes2Princesses: My commercial vent...

Thursday, January 3, 2008

My commercial vent...

Okay, the animals are caged for the night, so I can actually think straight.

I am going to vent in this post. Mainly because my husband is sick of hearing it. Lucky you.

There is a commercial floating around right now, probably on Discovery Channel or Court TV, since that is all I usually watch at 3 a.m. It is for a cutter, one of those long things with the ruler and the little blade that slides, the kind used mainly for scrapbooking. This particular one has attempted to stand out by offering a light so you can see where the line is to cut.

Great, sounds like a great product, no venting there. What bugs the CRAP outta me about this commercial is that in the beginning, the announcer says something about how hard it is to cut a straight line with scissors.

I agree, Mr. Announcer, it is a bitch. My issue? The visual. Someone is cutting apart wallet sized photos with scissors. They cut SO badly. Honestly, I am one of the worst cutters I know. Never ever ever straight. But even I can cut pictures apart without beheading the people in the picture. Gainey (my 4-year-old) could do a better job than whatever nut they hired for the scene.

So, Light Cutter Company: You have a nice product. I might have bought one. Until you insulted my intelligence with your exaggerations of scissor-cutting problems.

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So you can keep us straight as I ramble:

Steph - That's ME. A little nuts, 35 years old. I work at home because for some reason I thought that would be a swell idea. I was mistaken. I have gone to Nursing and started medical school and then decided neither one suited me. I have recently become somewhat memory challenged, I have been told it is stress. I have OCD. I have a good sense of humor about it, and about a lot of other things. I have a pretty dark (and sometimes dirty) sense of humor. Don't say I did not warn you.
John - My husband, also a little nuts, though not formally diagnosed. He is 36. He is Court and Tom's stepdad. Court occasionally calls him Lumpy. I am not sure why. He is a 50% disabled veteran. He has Gulf War Syndrome. THere really is no ONE Gulf War Syndrome, apparently. All I know is he came back from Iraq and gets these huge, itchy rashes all over, including in his eyes. They are horrific and no one can tell us what the hell they are. Actually that may be why Court calls him Lumpy. I have diagnosed it as "creeping crud."
Courtney - My oldest. She is 15. You will probably hear alot about her, hopefully some of it will be good. She just started high school and thinks we are complete dunderheads. Unfortunately for her, we are not. She also thinks she is in charge. -insert hysterical laughter here-
Tom - My 13-year-old. We say he is in "Tommy World" most of the time. Unfortunately, Tommy World does not include homework. It also seems he was given an attitude for his 13th birthday. Fantastic! He has always been kind of a Mom's boy and hates to make me mad. All together now: Awwwww. -gag-
Gainey - Her given name is Morgaine. My sister calls her Midge. We sometimes call her Princess Yeti to annoy her. She is 5 and pretty smart (and smart-assed) for her age. Thinks she actually IS a princess and we are her servants. Her name? Yes, she is named after King Arthur's 1/2 sister, from Mists of Avalon by Harriet Zimmer Bradley. She is also exceptionally small. Johnnie is bigger and we are asked frequently if they are twins or if he is older.
Johnnie - Our youngest. He just turned 3 in December. He is a pretty BIG boy. Alternates between completely psycho and completely loveable. Makes me laugh alot, although if he didn't, I would probably cry. We are about to embark on potty training. That ought to make for some good blog posts for you.
Jerry - Though he does not live with us, you may hear about him. He is my ex, Court and Tom's dad. We get along really well, which is why I will bitch and moan about him, because I can get away with it. He is also 35. We talk almost daily. As you can imagine, that goes over well with the ladies.