So much for the alternate universe....

Apparently global warming has NOT turned Buffalo into the new warm winter getaway we had hoped.

It is snowing. Lake effect snow. For those of you who are not fortunate enough to enjoy this phenomenon, I will share.

Basically, lake effect snow happens because Canada sends us a buttload of cold air (I know it is just because they love us and want to share with their neighbors!). It comes creeping over lovely Lake Erie and Lake Ontario and picks up water, since the lake has not frozen. It then dumps snow in "bands." It has a particular consistency, something like wet cement. So you need a backhoe to shovel your driveway without having a freakin' coronary. The bands are interesting as well, since you can drive to the grocery store and experience dry roads and sun, regular snow, and then blinding wet cement white outs all on a 10-mile stretch of road.

I live in the boonies. We decided to get rid of our Ford Expedition since the cost of gassing the thing up was quickly approaching the cost of a semester at Harvard. So I bought myself a nice 33-MPG highway Saturn ION. Since we are so rural, we get 33-MPG on a regular basis. Also because we are so rural, everyone else out here has some sort of truck. With 4-wheel drive. So when I choose to venture out with 5 inches of snow on the ground, I have to go slowly or end up spinning like a top, whereas my neighbors are just blowing along the road at 55, passing me.

Now, I really don't mind the passing. They know I cannot go fast and are very nice about it. I move over a little and slow down so they can pass quickly and safely. But to be honest, it is starting to give me a little bit of an inferiority complex.

And normally, I will tell everyone the weather is my fault. I work at home and only have to drive a couple of times a week and then only if I want to. Well, Sunday was pretty decent. Then I had to go pick the kids up from Jerry's. As I walk out the door, it starts to snow. Hard. Snow, rain, hail on and off, all the way into the city and back. I get home, work, take a break to smoke and guess what? Snow stopped.

Monday was pretty decent. I get a call from school, have to pick up Courtney and take her to an appointment in the city. Walk out the door. Here comes the snow. By the time was are heading home, the roads are pretty bad out here. We almost spin out at a light, not too scary since we live in the middle of nowhere and the only thing I may have hit was a broken cornstalk in the fields. Well, Courtney didn't care, was pretty sure we almost died, and spent the rest of the ride home going between panic and yipping at me. Fantastic.

But today's snow is even worse. It is a true lake effect crapfest out there. But you can't blame me today. I am not going anywhere.

Living here is a Catch-22. You can wish for the temperatures to stay decent, but if they do, then the lake stays unfrozen and we get buried. If you don't want snow, then you have to hope for temperatures in the 20's for a while.

I am not a winter fan. I don't ski. I don't go sledding. I don't like to be wet and cold with snot running down my face as I hurtle down a hill to an ending that can only include me writing a co-pay check to an orthopedic surgeon with the only limb that I have not snapped off.

I still cannot remember how I let John, and I think my mom, convince me that we should wait until May to go to Disney this year.